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should you invite me in
Apr. 18th, 2022 07:38 pm“Should you invite me in / to spend the night on the floor / oh please believe I’ll be a gentleman / or you can show me the door”
—
After five years of living with this, Jonghyun figured he should be able to handle it better. If Kibum knew he was sulking around in the way he was, he’d definitely disapprove.
“You don’t have to be a stranger,” he’d said before, at another time when Jonghyun was acting petulant around Kibum’s friends, with a burning urge to make a scene.
Jonghyun was tired. He should have been using the half hour of waiting time they had in the dressing room to nap. Kibum should have been tired too. They’d all been up until two in the morning, only to wake at six for another round of schedules.
Instead Kibum was on the other side of the room with Nam Woohyun. All Jonghyun could see was their curved backs as they sat knee-to-knee giggling over something on Kibum’s phone.
Jonghyun was prone to letting his insecurities rule him, and this was just one of many that he hated to admit to. It’s not that he even wanted to be popular like Kibum—the mere thought of having to entertain so many relationships overwhelmed him. Being popular wasn’t the same as being liked.
Despite what Kibum said about his tendency to be too blunt, he was skilled at honing his personality to meld with every context. Jonghyun did not have the same luxury. It was painful how much he couldn’t control his feelings.
Kibum was sociable without being overbearing, funny without being obnoxious, and charming enough to work his way into even the most intimidating circles. Kibum had a way of commanding attention, but it wasn’t Jonghyun’s he wanted anymore.
“What’s wrong, hyung? You look constipated,” Taemin said beside him as Jonghyun stared at the back of Kibum’s bleach-blonde head.
“That’s disgusting Taemin,” Minho commented from the other side. “But seriously, did you eat something spoiled for lunch, Jonghyun-hyung?”
“You were with me at lunch and we ate the same thing—”
“Well, you know where the bathroom is if you need it,” Jinki said mildly, not looking up from Candy Crush on his phone.
Just then, Kibum threw his head back and cackled so loud at one of Woohyun’s jokes that Jonghyun physically flinched.
“I’m not fucking constipated—!” Jonghyun exclaimed, curling his hands into fists and snapping at—someone. He didn’t know who. He hadn’t specified a target, but now the entire dressing room was staring at him. Including, and especially, Kibum and Woohyun.
Jonghyun blushed and looked down at his lap. He could feel Kibum’s amused smirk piercing through his embarrassment like a knife.
—
Kibum cornered him at the dorm, at the end of the night in the kitchen when everyone else was in their rooms relaxing and Jonghyun was stress-eating ramyeon again.
“Someone sure made a scene today,” Kibum said from the entryway. He had already washed up and changed into a set of matching pajamas. Light blue with Mickey Mouse print. His skin was scrubbed shiny-pink and clean.
Jonghyun had gone to the gym after Inkigayo to get his frustration out, and was now cowering in the dark over junk food, still wearing his sweaty gym shorts and old tank top. Pathetic.
Kibum flicked the light on and strode up next to him.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jonghyun said. “You were so busy chatting with your boyfriend. I’m surprised you even noticed.”
Kibum scoffed and crossed his arms. That cute little irritated face. Jonghyun always seemed to bring it out in him, but if Kibum actually harbored any hatred he wouldn’t even give Jonghyun the time of day. That’s what kept him in such a state of limbo: the tiniest sliver of Kibum’s affection coming home to him.
“You’re ridiculous.”
Jonghyun didn’t say anything, but his cup of ramyeon was empty and there was now no longer an excuse to stay in the kitchen. Kibum was blocking his exit.
“Hey…” Kibum’s voice went soft as he tilted his head to try and look Jonghyun in the eye. Jonghyun stayed where he was; leaning on the counter with his head hanging between his arms.
Without warning, one of Kibum’s palms connected with his tight left trap muscle. Jonghyun flinched at first, but then melted into it in surrender. Kibum came closer, until each of his hands were lined up on Jonghyun’s shoulders. He smelled like clean citrus and his body was so warm. He kneaded into the muscles and Jonghyun collapsed into his arms on the countertop.
“You’re so tense, hyung,” Kibum said right into his ear.
“Just stress,” Jonghyun managed to get out. He whimpered as Kibum pressed down hard and dragged his fingertips in a circle.
“I don’t like it when you’re mad at me.”
Kibum said that into his skin: whispered against the salty sweat-dried nape of his neck between where his hands were making a mess of him.
“I’m sorry.”
He felt Kibum’s smile tracing a curve into his spine. “Turn around.”
Jonghyun did as he was told, and was rewarded by Kibum’s sweet mouth on his. The sudden, brain-melting hot press of his lips and the swiftness of his hands roving underneath Jonghyun’s top. He gasped and let Kibum nail him to the counter, then skimmed his fingers beneath the smooth flannel of Kibum’s pajama top to touch the soft skin of his waist.
Kibum arched right into it. Enough to make Jonghyun ache for more, to make him forget about the day and just beg Kibum to take him to his bed. It used to be so easy, even if it was foolish. Kibum used to keep him wrapped around his finger.
Kibum drew away slowly. Jonghyun’s eyes were still closed, but he felt Kibum run a hand through his sweaty hair. He heard his sigh along the shell of his ear.
“You should clean up and sleep,” Kibum said. “I know you’re exhausted.”
Jonghyun blinked his eyes open. It didn’t matter now, he’d been completely unraveled. So he gave Kibum his most desperate, pleading look. I swear I’ll behave.
The corner of Kibum’s mouth lifted up in a smile. It was one that Jonghyun had never been able to read. There was fondness in it, but fondness given only with certain stipulations.
He lifted one hand to pinch Jonghyun’s chin between two fingers. Kibum scrunched up his nose and chuckled. “You need to shave.”
He kissed him again, this time gentler and only a little apologetic. Giving Jonghyun something to placate him for at least the night. It wouldn’t work, but he’d take what he could get.
When Kibum pulled away, Jonghyun kept his eyes open to watch the light that gleamed in Kibum’s. “Goodnight, hyung.”
“Goodnight, Kibum.”
He watched him fade out of the reach of the dim kitchen light until all Jonghyun could hear was his slippers soft on the wood at the end of the hall, and the eventual click of his bedroom door closing to the world.
—
After five years of living with this, Jonghyun figured he should be able to handle it better. If Kibum knew he was sulking around in the way he was, he’d definitely disapprove.
“You don’t have to be a stranger,” he’d said before, at another time when Jonghyun was acting petulant around Kibum’s friends, with a burning urge to make a scene.
Jonghyun was tired. He should have been using the half hour of waiting time they had in the dressing room to nap. Kibum should have been tired too. They’d all been up until two in the morning, only to wake at six for another round of schedules.
Instead Kibum was on the other side of the room with Nam Woohyun. All Jonghyun could see was their curved backs as they sat knee-to-knee giggling over something on Kibum’s phone.
Jonghyun was prone to letting his insecurities rule him, and this was just one of many that he hated to admit to. It’s not that he even wanted to be popular like Kibum—the mere thought of having to entertain so many relationships overwhelmed him. Being popular wasn’t the same as being liked.
Despite what Kibum said about his tendency to be too blunt, he was skilled at honing his personality to meld with every context. Jonghyun did not have the same luxury. It was painful how much he couldn’t control his feelings.
Kibum was sociable without being overbearing, funny without being obnoxious, and charming enough to work his way into even the most intimidating circles. Kibum had a way of commanding attention, but it wasn’t Jonghyun’s he wanted anymore.
“What’s wrong, hyung? You look constipated,” Taemin said beside him as Jonghyun stared at the back of Kibum’s bleach-blonde head.
“That’s disgusting Taemin,” Minho commented from the other side. “But seriously, did you eat something spoiled for lunch, Jonghyun-hyung?”
“You were with me at lunch and we ate the same thing—”
“Well, you know where the bathroom is if you need it,” Jinki said mildly, not looking up from Candy Crush on his phone.
Just then, Kibum threw his head back and cackled so loud at one of Woohyun’s jokes that Jonghyun physically flinched.
“I’m not fucking constipated—!” Jonghyun exclaimed, curling his hands into fists and snapping at—someone. He didn’t know who. He hadn’t specified a target, but now the entire dressing room was staring at him. Including, and especially, Kibum and Woohyun.
Jonghyun blushed and looked down at his lap. He could feel Kibum’s amused smirk piercing through his embarrassment like a knife.
—
Kibum cornered him at the dorm, at the end of the night in the kitchen when everyone else was in their rooms relaxing and Jonghyun was stress-eating ramyeon again.
“Someone sure made a scene today,” Kibum said from the entryway. He had already washed up and changed into a set of matching pajamas. Light blue with Mickey Mouse print. His skin was scrubbed shiny-pink and clean.
Jonghyun had gone to the gym after Inkigayo to get his frustration out, and was now cowering in the dark over junk food, still wearing his sweaty gym shorts and old tank top. Pathetic.
Kibum flicked the light on and strode up next to him.
“Don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jonghyun said. “You were so busy chatting with your boyfriend. I’m surprised you even noticed.”
Kibum scoffed and crossed his arms. That cute little irritated face. Jonghyun always seemed to bring it out in him, but if Kibum actually harbored any hatred he wouldn’t even give Jonghyun the time of day. That’s what kept him in such a state of limbo: the tiniest sliver of Kibum’s affection coming home to him.
“You’re ridiculous.”
Jonghyun didn’t say anything, but his cup of ramyeon was empty and there was now no longer an excuse to stay in the kitchen. Kibum was blocking his exit.
“Hey…” Kibum’s voice went soft as he tilted his head to try and look Jonghyun in the eye. Jonghyun stayed where he was; leaning on the counter with his head hanging between his arms.
Without warning, one of Kibum’s palms connected with his tight left trap muscle. Jonghyun flinched at first, but then melted into it in surrender. Kibum came closer, until each of his hands were lined up on Jonghyun’s shoulders. He smelled like clean citrus and his body was so warm. He kneaded into the muscles and Jonghyun collapsed into his arms on the countertop.
“You’re so tense, hyung,” Kibum said right into his ear.
“Just stress,” Jonghyun managed to get out. He whimpered as Kibum pressed down hard and dragged his fingertips in a circle.
“I don’t like it when you’re mad at me.”
Kibum said that into his skin: whispered against the salty sweat-dried nape of his neck between where his hands were making a mess of him.
“I’m sorry.”
He felt Kibum’s smile tracing a curve into his spine. “Turn around.”
Jonghyun did as he was told, and was rewarded by Kibum’s sweet mouth on his. The sudden, brain-melting hot press of his lips and the swiftness of his hands roving underneath Jonghyun’s top. He gasped and let Kibum nail him to the counter, then skimmed his fingers beneath the smooth flannel of Kibum’s pajama top to touch the soft skin of his waist.
Kibum arched right into it. Enough to make Jonghyun ache for more, to make him forget about the day and just beg Kibum to take him to his bed. It used to be so easy, even if it was foolish. Kibum used to keep him wrapped around his finger.
Kibum drew away slowly. Jonghyun’s eyes were still closed, but he felt Kibum run a hand through his sweaty hair. He heard his sigh along the shell of his ear.
“You should clean up and sleep,” Kibum said. “I know you’re exhausted.”
Jonghyun blinked his eyes open. It didn’t matter now, he’d been completely unraveled. So he gave Kibum his most desperate, pleading look. I swear I’ll behave.
The corner of Kibum’s mouth lifted up in a smile. It was one that Jonghyun had never been able to read. There was fondness in it, but fondness given only with certain stipulations.
He lifted one hand to pinch Jonghyun’s chin between two fingers. Kibum scrunched up his nose and chuckled. “You need to shave.”
He kissed him again, this time gentler and only a little apologetic. Giving Jonghyun something to placate him for at least the night. It wouldn’t work, but he’d take what he could get.
When Kibum pulled away, Jonghyun kept his eyes open to watch the light that gleamed in Kibum’s. “Goodnight, hyung.”
“Goodnight, Kibum.”
He watched him fade out of the reach of the dim kitchen light until all Jonghyun could hear was his slippers soft on the wood at the end of the hall, and the eventual click of his bedroom door closing to the world.
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